You’re Never 100% Ready!

First things first before I get started on the 17 hours of work I have to try to fit into my 8 hour day…make that 7, my boss is off today. I figure if I can’t find time to update about our life in general, then the work-life balance must be off---so here goes.

This morning, like most, was quite eventful. It started out like any other, Hayden and I in a bad mood and Jeff and Davis happy and perky as ever. Then things turned dramatic when fully-dressed, ready to walk out the door Hayden spots his “pider-man boxers” (the ‘s’ is silent to Hayden) lying in the pile of clean clothes on the floor (where I am sure everyone keeps their clean clothes). A little background on the piderman boxers: these are his favorite choice of undergarment; mostly because they are boxers, and that is what Jeff wears (is that TMI?). I don’t understand the brain of a two-year old. How big of a deal is this really? Don’t get me wrong, we all have our favorites when it comes to underwear, but rarely do I cry when other factors don’t allow me to wear them? That is when it becomes a battle between all of us. All of us, except for happy Davis cooing on the bed.

Lisa: Fine, let’s change him
Jeff: No, he is already dressed
Lisa: C’mon it will take 2 seconds*
Jeff: NO
Hayden: I need to go potty (the brilliant, manipulative child that he is knows that this is his best chance)
Hayden wins! I follow him into the bathroom, piderman boxers in hand to end this once and for all.
(*in reality, I know which one of us is right here, but I figure it is faster to change him now than deal with the 4 sittings in time out, 7 spankings, and 3 heart-to-hearts it will take to convince Hayden that he will wear briefs today. I admit, all parental logic goes out the window in the morning)

So, as I am helping him put on his piderman boxers, I take this opportunity to change him into some navy pants to match his grey and navy shirt (rather than the black and yellow ones Jeff put on him). And so begins dramatic event #2.

Hayden: I want to wear my black pants
Lisa: No you are wearing your piderman boxers, and your navy pants
Hayden: I want to wear my black pants
Lisa: No you are wearing your piderman boxers, and your navy pants
Hayden: I want to wear my black pants
Lisa: No you are wearing your piderman boxers, and your navy pants
Jeff: smirking on the side

4 sittings in time out, 7 spankings, and 3 heart-to-hearts later and we are walking out the door with pider boxers, navy pants, grey and navy shirt. Lesson learned. But wait, Hayden is thirsty…dramatic event #3.

Hayden: I want a drink of water
Jeff: Okay, let’s go get a drink of water
Hayden: I want to do it by myself

Jeff lets him do it by himself, but somewhere along the way Hayden forgets that he in fact did do it himself, and gets upset. It’s Friday, and we can’t win for losing…(whatever that means).

Somewhere along McDermott, Hayden snaps out of it, wakes up, and gets in a good mood. He is so excited when he gets out of the car that more than one person commented on his joyous mood “He’s just a bundle of energy”…“I want what he had this morning.” I opted for a half grin while thinking to myself “If they only knew…” rather than blurt out “then I suggest you invest in some piderman boxers!”

So, let’s move on to the wins for the morning. Whose child showed up to school on Show and Tell Friday wearing a visor and holding a veggie tale, you ask? Mine. Yes, even after all that drama, we went so far as to pack all of his friends Vanilla wafers before I realized that wouldn’t work because they are actually called ‘Nilla wafers. We walked in behind his friend Noah, who was carrying a vacuum extension. As we passed Blaine’s mom walking out she said, “looks like everyone is going to have some sort of a vacuum today. Noah’s dad chuckled and said, “what else is there?” I couldn’t resist… “Actually Hayden has a veggie tale and is wearing a visor”. Clear Winner.

Lastly, let me address the title and Mica’s most recent blog. To answer your question, NO you are never 100% ready for children (as if I didn’t already answer it above). I am still not. Although I have never lost Hayden in a store, or left him outside in the parking lot, I have on two occasions forgotten to not only put him in the car seat, but also buckle it, and shown up to work twice with my shirt on backwards and once with it on inside out. I wish I was kidding. I’m not.


# re: You’re Never 100% Ready!One question: Did Hayden take a Vanilla envelope to school? Thanks for the pep talk! I've actually walked out the door with two different shoes on...and my only morning duty (besides getting myself ready) is to....OK, that really is all I have to do in the morning, but it's hard!

3/10/2006 10:14 AM Mica
# re: You’re Never 100% Ready!Man, I have got to come spend the night one night during the week and watch all of this...seriously!! This is great! Where's the video camera when you need it?

3/10/2006 10:17 AM kel
# re: You’re Never 100% Ready!C'mon over, but be aware that guests have to get Hayden ready in the morning. It's the rule! Don't worry though, we'll take care of Davis for the next year and a half.

3/10/2006 10:19 AM Lisa
# re: You’re Never 100% Ready!Your house is much more exciting in the morning than mine. BTW where did you buy those piderman boxers - I want to get some for here. Now for the English teacher in me who's (which translates who is) should be whose. I guess you still make an A with only one minor error. Love you!!!

3/10/2006 3:21 PM Laney
# re: You’re Never 100% Ready!Hayden should have wore a vest with a v-neck shirt and velvet pants and carried a visor to school. If you really wanted to impress them he could have brought his teacher a violet. All teachers like flowers. Anyways, I agree where is the video camera? I would have loved watching all of this on snapfish.

3/11/2006 7:47 AM Aunt Mae Me