Six Week Check Up

You know what's worse than sitting naked in a

paper gown waiting for the dreaded gynecologist appointment?

Sitting naked waiting for the dreaded gynecologist

appointment when the fire alarm goes off.

At that moment I had to make some very important decisions.

Starting with: Do I assume it's a false alarm and finish my Scramble game?

Do I run out naked from the waist down?

(I guess I would if it was a real fire.)

Shoes or no shoes?

Pants or no pants?

Shirt or no shirt?

Spanx or no spanx?

And wouldn't you know it,

at the exact same time I opted for no, yes, yes, no

to the above questions, a nurse walked and and told me

she thought it was a false alarm, and to just stay put.

Easy for her to say. 

If we all went down in flames, her and her scrubs would go out in dignity while I'd be the naked idiot wearing only a paper gown.

Lucky for all of us, it did turn out to be a false alarm.

.....

Lucky for Jeff, I passed my six week check up (ifyouknowwhatimean),

and then proceeded to play 20 questions with the doctor

about the tubal ligation she had performed two weeks prior.

Specifically the 1 in 200 failure rate.

She assured me that she "obliterated" my tubes

and I have nothing to worry about.

I'm not above using that quote against her if I turn up pregnant again.

I'm pretty sure she will be waiving those delivery fees.