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Friday, April 20, 2012

Six Week Check Up


You know what's worse than sitting naked in a
paper gown waiting for the dreaded gynecologist appointment?

Sitting naked waiting for the dreaded gynecologist
appointment when the fire alarm goes off.

At that moment I had to make some very important decisions.

Starting with: Do I assume it's a false alarm and finish my Scramble game?
Do I run out naked from the waist down?
(I guess I would if it was a real fire.)

Shoes or no shoes?
Pants or no pants?
Shirt or no shirt?
Spanx or no spanx?

And wouldn't you know it,
at the exact same time I opted for no, yes, yes, no
to the above questions, a nurse walked and and told me
she thought it was a false alarm, and to just stay put.

Easy for her to say. 
If we all went down in flames, her and her scrubs would go out in dignity while I'd be the naked idiot wearing only a paper gown.

Lucky for all of us, it did turn out to be a false alarm.

.....

Lucky for Jeff, I passed my six week check up (ifyouknowwhatimean),
and then proceeded to play 20 questions with the doctor
about the tubal ligation she had performed two weeks prior.

Specifically the 1 in 200 failure rate.
She assured me that she "obliterated" my tubes
and I have nothing to worry about.

I'm not above using that quote against her if I turn up pregnant again.
I'm pretty sure she will be waiving those delivery fees.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, did this have me laughing! And when you through in the "ifyouknowwhatimean", I felt like it was a special little shout out to me!
~K

I'm Cindi... said...

LOL! Yep, I say all the time if mine fails, I'll own everything my OBGYN does...and more. :) Glad you passed your exam with flying colors!

the hoang family said...

LOL... Thanks for the laugh!

Fun Kellie said...

this post is hilarious...seriously had me cracking up...and so YOU. FUNNY.