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Sunday, August 15, 2010

Twenty Six: Buying Stock in Wal-Mart

Tonight, I planned to write a blog about our weekend anniversary getaway and how amazing it was.

About how it was my first ever stay in a suite (SWEET!).

And how Jeff had splurged on the “Baby-moon” package which came with all sorts of goodies like baby gifts (adorable!), and fresh fruit (yum!), and sparkling water (yuck!), and a one hour massage at the spa (Ahhhh!).

But those plans were derailed when we got home from the big weekend and l I decided to run up to Wal-Mart for a “quick errand” while Jeff put together Blake’s room.

TWO HOURS LATER I returned.

Unfortunately I had to return something, so before I even started shopping I waited in the customer service line for thirty minutes. Then I mistakenly continued on my merry-shopping-way for the few items I needed, reasoning that the lines would die down by the time I needed to check out.

MISTAKE #1.

If I wasn’t addicted to the rollback pricing model at Wal-Mart, that would have been the last straw. I am used to lines. I have been to Wal-Mart on the day before Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve…and even returned something on the Day After Christmas…but apparently I have never seen the madness that is Wal-Mart on the day before August 16th???

It’s not even like people’s baskets were filled to the brim with school supplies. Trust me. I was looking for a reason for all the craziness. And it was just normal every day purchases.
I of course made matters worse by picking the 20 items or less lane.

MISTAKE #2.

Apparently there are new rules regarding the 20 items or less lane.

First of all, the lane really means 20-50 items (give or take).

Second, the more coupons or price matches that require supervisor approval THE MERRIER.

Oh, and if you happen to see someone standing ahead of you in the 20 items or less line that you sort of know, or might be related to, you can move your basket in front of everyone else as long as you mention you “are together." Meaning you know each other, but are not necessarily grocery shopping concurrently, or even checking out on the same receipt.

That happened in my line THREE TIMES.

Fortunately for the family (or group of people that all “knew each other”), there was a buffer, another couple, between us. This couple was obviously annoyed by all of the cutting, but clearly MUCH nicer than me. Right after I took this picture, my phone died, which meant I had to entertain myself for a full twenty minutes without Facebook or Words With Friends.

Just as the NICER couple was finally close enough to the checkout to start breathing a sigh of relief, I pushed my basket around them and motioned with my head toward the family ahead and said “I’m with them.” Since the family that all "knew each other" BUT CHECKED OUT SEPARATELY were all Asian, I thought it was fairly obvious that I was joking. But apparently not. The girl looked like she was about to lose it. Once I started laughing and said I was kidding, there was just a little less tension in the line, and the nice couple laughed too.

Until five minutes later when MANAGER APPROVAL WAS NEEDED AGAIN.

And ohmygosh, if I don’t avoid Wal-Mart-Tax-Free-Event-Next-Weekend like it is the freaking plague, someone please shoot me.

All that to say, I will tell you about my romantic weekend another time. It has sort of been overshadowed by the fact that I NEEDED to buy Hayden hair gel for his new haircut --- Davis insect repellent for his never-ending chiggers --- and Jeff some beer so he will finish putting together Blake’s room.

5 comments:

Mica said...

One word: Target.

Grandma Lyle said...

You do have something to look forward to. When you are Old and Retired you can shop at WalMart on Tuesday at 8 am and the only other people there are a few other older people. But, beware, it takes those older people a LONG time to checkout if you get behind one of them.

Why didn't they have "babymoons" 31 years ago? The weekend sounded fantastic.

Anonymous said...

I would have loved to have seen you declare, "I'm with them!"

That's what she said!

Anonymous said...

I am very jealous of the "babymoon" but not trip to Walmart!! Crazy I wonder why it was so crowded??? Post pictures of Blake's room now that Jeff is finished with it.

Love you,
Mom

Aunt Amy said...

I wanna see the new haircut with the gel :)